When you go into a hospital, it’s natural to assume that everyone is on the same page and working in your best interest. In most cases, that assumption is broadly true. But the truth is, the details—the small decisions and missed communications—are where things often go wrong.
How can you ask the right questions if you don’t even know what to ask?
How do you recognize when something isn’t right if no one tells you what “right” even looks like?
That’s what this blog, The Art of Being ILL, is all about—helping you help yourself in a healthcare system that is often broken, confusing, and inconsistent. By sharing real-life stories, I aim to give you the tools and questions you need to be your own advocate, or advocate for a loved one, when it matters most.
Let’s go back 30 years. I was on a ski trip with friends, and on the very first day, I fell and was stretchered off the mountain. At the ER, doctors recommended immediate surgery. I declined and waited to return home. Once home, I saw a top orthopedic surgeon who told me I’d need a knee replacement or risk long-term instability.
That didn’t sit right with me. I got a second opinion. This doctor told me to take the brace off and start physical therapy. No surgery, no replacement—just rehab. He was right. At 50, I was running half marathons. If I’d followed the first two recommendations, I’d likely have had two artificial knees by now.
The moral? You don’t always know what you don’t know. But second opinions—and knowing when to question things—can be life-changing.
My mom was admitted to the hospital on a Friday to rule out a possible blood clot. She was told the test would be done Saturday morning, and she stayed NPO (nothing by mouth) overnight.
I was skeptical. Specialty tests often aren’t done over the weekend, especially not on short notice. Sure enough, Saturday morning came and went. No test. I called the nurse, who thought it was still on schedule. I asked her to call the procedure department to confirm.
An hour later, she told me the test wouldn’t be done until Monday. My mom was exhausted, hungry, and angry—and rightfully so.
This happens all the time. Weekends in hospitals can lead to delays. Knowing that, and verifying procedures, can save unnecessary stress.
A friend had back surgery that was supposed to be routine. But after the procedure, her pain was unbearable. She couldn’t walk, and I immediately suspected a hematoma. It took the hospital two weeks to make that diagnosis.
In that time, the nursing staff labeled her as “drug-seeking,” physical therapists called her “non-compliant,” and her pain meds were discontinued—without telling her. It was a nightmare.
Eventually, she required another surgery. Only then did the staff begin to see her as someone in legitimate pain. By then, the damage—both physical and emotional—was done.
Knowledge, advocacy, and having someone who can speak up make all the difference.
Another friend had a hip replacement. She was scheduled to go home the next day and called me to pick her up. Then came the call—her raised toilet seat hadn’t been ordered. Now, discharge would be delayed by hours, maybe more.
I told her we’d buy one on the way home and figure out reimbursement later. But the truth is, this should have been handled days earlier. Pre-op planning or early morning discharge rounds should have flagged this. It’s a small thing—but small things matter.
If you or a loved one has a complex condition or multiple diagnoses, you have the right to ask for a specialist. And you should.
A patient with advanced cancer was admitted for pain management at a small hospital. A resident changed her medications without understanding her case. She suffered needlessly. It wasn’t until family members pushed back that proper treatment resumed. She needed an oncology specialist—not a general resident.
Another patient, a 70-year-old man with lifelong diabetes, had a heart attack. His insulin pump was turned off per hospital protocol, and he was placed on sliding-scale insulin. Days later, his blood sugars were out of control. Family asked for an endocrinologist and were denied. I helped them phrase their request more firmly. Within hours, he was back on his pump and doing better.
Knowing how and when to ask for a specialist can change outcomes.
It is completely appropriate to ask why a test, lab, or procedure is being done—especially if the patient is elderly, terminal, or in comfort care. Often, tests continue by default because no one takes a step back to assess the full picture.
If something doesn’t seem to align with the patient’s goals or condition, speak up. Comfort should be the priority. Always.
I’m not here to point fingers or tell you not to trust doctors. I’m saying that in a complicated, overburdened system, education and empowerment are essential. Learn what to ask. Know your rights. Trust your instincts. And when in doubt, ask again.
This blog is dedicated to helping you navigate these messy, emotional, and often overwhelming healthcare moments. Because no one should have to go through them alone—or unprepared.
